Jeffrey Rewrites Voyager: Phage

Some Voyager episodes are so bad that they are legendary. Some Voyager episodes would be good, if only they had fixed one or two fundamental problems. But some Voyager episodes should have been good, but for some reason they just weren't. Perhaps the acting was just a little sub-par. Perhaps there were some minor problems that built up. But for whatever reason, what should have been a decent show becomes mediocre at best.

Phage is one of those episodes. It is difficult to pin down just why Phage is mediocre. It should be great. And yet... somehow it is not. Oh, it's not bad, which in Voyager puts it in the top tier, but it's not the great show that it should be. Because the basic plot is solid, it will not require much to turn this into a classic Trek episode. Let's see what we can do.

As always, these rewrites are thematic rather than chronological, so if you cannot remember this episode you can check out the synopsis at the Memory Alpha Wiki.

Hi there! I've got that Nightmare Fuel you ordered...

First, let's talk about what this episode gets right. The alien menace, the Vidiians, are creepy, mysterious, and yet once their motivations are revealed, they are oddly sympathetic. The Delta Quadrant needs its own alien menace, since there are no Klingons and Romulans, and the Vidiians fit that role well. They have better technology than Voyager (at least better medical technology, forcefield technology, and holographic technology), and they are relentlessly driven by their need to stay alive, both as individuals and as a species, by preying on the organs of others.

The relationship between Neelix and Kes is also played very well. There is a real sense of the devotion between the two, but also the fear and insecurity of Neelix that will, in a few seasons, finally sabotage their relationship. Their relationship worked when she was a naive girl, and Neelix was the one to protect her with his street smarts. But Kes is coming into her own as a woman, and she will come to need Neelix less and less. Neelix knows this, and fears it, but at the same time he tries to respect it. The seeds of that are sown in this episode to great effect.

Do you want to hear an earworm?
A song you'll always play...

Third, the Doctor is excellent. Finally we get that episode I was hoping for, that episode that starts establishing the Doctor's character. And, with a little help from Kes, he begins to realize he can expand his program in this episode, which lays the groundwork for him becoming more than just a hologram. We see his curmudgeonly behavior, and also his sporadic genius when a real challenge is set before him. Better yet, the solution comes to him because he is a hologram, and thus has a hologram's perspective. I particularly enjoyed his barely-restrained disgust at Neelix's question, "Do you sing?" I am not sure if the writing team knew they were going to eventually give the Doctor a love of opera this early in the show, but I hope they did and this was deliberate.

For that matter, the general plot is good, but also treacherous. Creepy aliens are stealing organs! It's a B Horror Movie plot. Which is wonderful when it's done right, but can far too often devolve into unintended camp. And with cheesy lines like "His lungs have been removed!" this episode is a little too comical to be taken seriously. Unsurprisingly, that line was written by Brannon Braga.

Brannon Braga was responsible, at least in part, for this.
I still cannot decide if that makes him awesome or terrible.

Oh, Brannon Braga. What are we going to do with you. When you're good, you're very very good. But then you do stuff like this.

Another problem is that once the Vidiians are cornered at the end of the episode, they behave in a perfectly normal, civilized fashion, even behaving in a smug, superior manner when discussing the Federation's inferior medical technology. This is completely at odds with their monstrous appearance. Now that might be part of the point, but wouldn't the point be made even more if they were truly alien, creepy even in their behavior, making Janeway and the crew's sympathy for them all the more meaningful?

Ironically, while the B-Movie lines work against the episode when talking about Neelix's missing lungs, a little B-Movie pathos would really sell the Vidiians themselves. Their eventual explanation of the phage is pretty good, but it could be better. Really sell it. Talk about the virulence of the strain. How they have to keep getting organs from alien races, desperately relying on the introduction of alien physiology to stay one step ahead of the ravaging disease, but always knowing that eventually the disease will adapt and begin to eat their bodies away once more. Now that's horrific.

All hail Janeway, Star Tyrant!

I am conflicted about Janeway in this episode. On the one hand, it is still early in the first season, and she needs characterization. And she gets very good characterization in this episode. Her angry, emotionally distraught speech to the Vidiians about how they have forced her to choose whether to kill another to save Neelix is very good, and probably the best acting in the episode. And yet... I cannot help but feel that Janeway unilaterally making that decision without even consulting Neelix is a bit tyrannical. On the one hand, I want Janeway to make that decision so she can be the Captain and make the tough call. But on the other hand, I think morally Neelix should have some input.

In the end, I think Janeway should get her awesome speech, including the excellent ultimatum against further Vidiian interference and her lamenting that she cannot fall back on Starfleet, but then demand the Vidiians explain things to Neelix, and ask Neelix what he thinks they should do. Neelix is angry and bitter, but still his own ethics will not allow him to kill another to save himself. And it is there that they respond with sympathy of their own, and use their magical technology to heal him using Kes's donor lung. This weakens Janeway's part in the episode somewhat, but it also gets rid of her dubious unilateral decision-making.

Chakotay just needs more scenes in general.

One thing I do think should change, however, is Janeway going down to the planet once Neelix's lungs are taken. Janeway came up through the science ranks. She's not a combat officer. Sure, she passed training and can do combat, but that's not her specialty. She needs to be on the ship. Send down Chakotay, the trained guerrilla, and Tuvok, the trained security officer. This allows us to see their martial prowess without taking a lot of screentime, since we are seeing it just by their infiltration of the Vidiian tunnels.

I'd also like to see the Vidiian ship escaping the planet and going to warp. Specifically, I want to see them leave from the opposite side of the planet, and go to warp before Voyager can catch up. I want this because as it stands we just get a lame "It went to warp before we could get it" excuse. And as will become increasingly more apparent as the series goes on, as written, Voyager fails to do even basic feats regularly. This makes it seem like either the ship is worthless, or the crew is worthless, and neither of those are good. We should nip this trend in the bud before it spreads. Show that they lost the ship because it emerged from the other side of the planet, and there was no reasonable way to get in range in time.

If you don't get it, replace the joke with Pink Floyd

While we're talking about technical issues, while I sort of like the phaser-as-searchlight idea to get them out of the hall of mirrors, the very existence of a hall of mirrors inside an asteroid brings up far too many questions, and seems, well... gratuitous. I would suggest either making this yet another representation of superior Vidiian holographic and forcefield technology, or scrapping it altogether and have the Vidiian ship just be hiding behind an outcropping within the asteroid. All that is technically needed for the story to move on is that Voyager be delayed in capturing the Vidiians, that can be done in any one of a hundred ways that make more sense.

These tweaks may not seem like much, but this episode does not need much. If it were just a little tighter, a little better, then it would be really good. Make the Vidiians creepier, make their story more pathos-ridden, and don't just add things because Brannon Braga thinks they are cool.

Then you would have an episode that leaves us, like Neelix, breathless.

Trekkies will get it. Well, Trekkies who also know internet memes will get it.