Doctor Whosday: Telepathetic Politics

In reviewing stories from the 60s, as I have been both here and on Marvel Mondays, certain themes come up again and again. One of the biggest is the contrast between democracy and communism. The freedom and individuality of the West is championed, while the collective juggernaut of the East is castigated.

"The Sensorites" begins much the same way. The brave, British astronauts from Democratic Earth are menaced by the Sensorites, insidious aliens who, while cowardly, have the ability to control the minds of humans. They have a collective society where each Sensorite is given their task, and they are in a cold war with the astronauts, refusing to let them leave peacefully yet also not killing them, yet. They are the communist threat.

And yet, in a bold move for 1964, "The Sensorites" takes a very different, and in many ways more modern, turn. And that is to be commended. But is it enough to overcome the weaknesses of the story? That is a good question.

Marvel Monday: Terrorists, Communists, and Carnies

In September of 1962 Fantastic Four became monthly. Added to the monthly titles of Journey into Mystery and Tales to Astonish (both now linked to Superheroes), and the bimonthly Incredible Hulk, Marvel Comics was starting to look like a true superhero lineup. And that started with the return of a familiar face in a new superhero context.

You know he's a superhero this time, because the bad guys are Communists.

Apocryphail Phriday: Knee Deep In The Dead

I haven't seen the movie with the Rock.
But it had to be better than this.

In 1993 a video game came out from ID Software that would more or less invent the First Person Shooter genre. This game was Doom. It became wildly popular. This being the nineties, that meant it got spinoffs. And so, in 1995, Dafydd ab Hugh and Brad Linaweaver published "Doom: Knee Deep In The Dead", a full novelization of the first video game in the franchise.

It remains a textbook example of how never, ever to write a video game novel.

The problem is not the hard-on for the Marine Corps that makes Michael Bay look like a weed-smoking flower child. Nor is the problem the confused gender politics and inability to decide whether the heroes are snarky nerds or grunting jarheads.

The problem is not even the network of cliches that renders this story completely and utterly unengaging.

The problem is that this novel, this novel about the most badass Marine in the world mowing down an entire army of demons on the moons of Mars, is terrifyingly, life-suckingly dull.

Dull, dull, dull, dull, dull from Dullsville with a side order of dull and something dull on top.

Let's jump right in, shall we?

Jeffrey Rewrites Voyager: Eye of the Needle

I consider this episode to be typical of the problem with Star Trek: Voyager. A good setup, an interesting and engaging crisis, particularly excellent acting, and a muddled ending that seems to undermine everything.

Plus, this episode makes absolutely no sense less than halfway through the first season. I mean, no sense.

Plus, it's a "Voyager may get to go home!" episode. Which automatically means the audience is just waiting for some deus ex machina excuse for why it won't work, which is what happens with every single "Voyager may get to go home!" episode to the point where I can barely remember any other distinctions between them.

At least this one has Romulans, and I love me some Romulans.

Doctor Whosday: Fixed Points and Macehuitl Fights

It is always a risky thing, creating a story set in a foreign culture. The typical writer for western television grew up in the west, so while foreign cultures like European nations, or the United States, Canada, or the UK if you are not a native, can be difficult, they are at least similar to the writer's experience.

But when a western writer tries to write about a culture that rose up in isolation from the shared Roman Empire history of the West, be it Eastern culture or Hindu culture or African culture, that writer is often having to learn everything from scratch. If the writer does not care enough to do the research, this can lead to glaring stereotypes and errors.

This is doubly true for stories involving Pre-Columbian America, which does not have any shared history with Europe, Africa, or Asia (unless you subscribe to the African Origins theory, but as that is not the current scientific consensus we won't get into that here.)

So when I say that "The Aztecs", the sixth Doctor Who serial, does a magnificent job of realizing pre-Columbian Aztecs, both the good and the bad, and creates one of the most interesting and thoughtful Doctor Who plots yet seen, or indeed seen since, I want my readers to have a sense for just how impressive that is.

This is one of my favorites, and I may gush. You've been warned.

Marvel Monday: Heroes At Last!

Despite the fact that the only hero in the Marvel universe thus far has been Bruce Banner, August of 1962 saw two new entries into the ranks. And one of them is a bona fide hero! The other isn't yet, but he will be by the end of his issue and the uttering of the words, "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility."

Why did he ever lose the underarm-netting?

Apocryphail Phriday: Fray

I'm sort of cheating twice with this one. First, word of god says that today's subject is actually canon, and it has been referred to in the comic books that followed the TV Series and the series itself. Second... it's actually not that bad. In fact some things are really awesome. But then there are some things that just... yeesh.

Anyway, this is Joss Whedon's Fray.

It's like Buffy meets 5th Element meets Hellboy meets Shadowrun meets...

Fray was an 8-comic miniseries published by Dark Horse, and was the first Buffy: The Vampire Slayer comic actually written by Joss Whedon. In a crapsack future version of New York City, the supernatural and magic has been gone from the world for so long that everyone has forgotten about it. But in the shadows the Vampires are returning. And Melaka Fray, a petty thief, discovers that she is the heir to the legacy of the Slayers. Which mostly manifests as her having all the worst problems of Superman and Goku.

Welcome to the 23rd century, ladies and gentlemen!

Jeffrey Rewrites Voyager: The Cloud

Normally I am all in favor of character development episodes. I think there needs to be more character development in most television series, especially action and/or sci-fi series. So by all rights I should love this episode, which has the flimsiest of plots stringing together a series of vignettes that develop the character of the main cast.

The problem is, this needs to be good character development. And oh boy, is it not.

So as Voyager plunges headlong into the "It's actually a life-form!" plot that should be enjoyable, but somehow isn't, let's try to rewrite these terrible characters into something better.

Especially Chakotay. For Gene's sake, writers, what were you thinking?

Doctor Whosday: Six Episodes, Five Keys, Four Quests, Three Companions, Two Hangers-On, One Sexual Assault, No Joy

Fresh off his success creating The Daleks, which catapulted Doctor Who into television history, writer Terry Nation wanted to do a historical story. When that fell through, the producers asked him to create another extremely marketable villain, like the Daleks had been. It was with this directive in mind that Nation wrote "The Keys of Marinus".

The serial was a series of quests for the titular keys, with each episode encompassing another adventure, with another key as the object. This plot would be replayed on a season-wide scale during the excellent "Key to Time" season, with Tom Baker's Fourth Doctor.

Unlike that story, The Keys of Marinus is crap. Welcome to Doctor Whosday!

Marvel Monday: Ouch! My Science!

Look, I get it. Science and comic books are like oil and water. Comics are a world where FTL is easily attainable, where radiation may as well be magic, and Nuclear Bombs Are Minor Inconveniences.

But sometimes the suspension of disbelief is snapped so completely that you have to wonder what kind of drugs the writers were on. This being July of 1962, I'm going to guess LSD. Welcome to Marvel Monday.

This is almost entirely unlike the actual cover. There was no disco in 1962.

Apocryphail Phriday: The Return

In 1994 the first Star Trek: The Next Generation movie was released: Star Trek Generations. And while some fans were willing to forgive the movie's glaring flaws in order to celebrate the pairing of Captain Kirk and Captain Picard, the flaws still existed. Perhaps the worst flaw is that Kirk dies by having a bridge dropped on him, while fighting a minor villain who just existed for the movie.

It was a terrible way to send out one of the galaxy's most beloved heroes. William Shatner apparently agreed, because he pitched an idea for the second movie, one which involved Kirk coming back from the dead and getting a far more appropriate send-off. It was doomed to failure, of course. The writing staff, quite rightly, decided that no matter how bad Generations was, the torch was passed to the Next Generation crew now, and they should have their own adventures.

All of the recycled plot. None of the emotional depth.

I mean, who would be foolish enough to keep on stealing plots from an old series while presumably attempting to establish a movie franchise of their own, right?

Since Paramount didn't want his plot William Shatner decided to write a novel of it. This spun off into the "Shatnerverse", an alternate timeline version of Star Trek. By all rights this should have been awesome. The return of one of science fiction's most enduring and beloved heroes, written with the sort of insider's perspective that only William Shatner could provide.

Let's see why it didn't work. This is William Shatner's "The Return".

1,000 Views!

Today The Jeffrey's Tube hit a milestone. A milestone of 1,000 views!

Now those of you who are internet savvy may be saying, "Views? But that means almost nothing. That could be 1,000 separate people, or one person who just keeps visiting the same pages."

Well yes. But I only just got analytics on this site working properly, so views is all I have. And I hit 1,000, and I'm very proud of that, and STOP KILLING ALL MY DREAMS!

Thanks to all my readers (especially my Russian readers who apparently got linked here from a Battletech forum. I hope you're enjoying all the Cold War comics and Doctor Who serials!)

Keep sharing the links, and keep the dream alive.

Jeffrey Rewrites Voyager: Phage

Some Voyager episodes are so bad that they are legendary. Some Voyager episodes would be good, if only they had fixed one or two fundamental problems. But some Voyager episodes should have been good, but for some reason they just weren't. Perhaps the acting was just a little sub-par. Perhaps there were some minor problems that built up. But for whatever reason, what should have been a decent show becomes mediocre at best.

Phage is one of those episodes. It is difficult to pin down just why Phage is mediocre. It should be great. And yet... somehow it is not. Oh, it's not bad, which in Voyager puts it in the top tier, but it's not the great show that it should be. Because the basic plot is solid, it will not require much to turn this into a classic Trek episode. Let's see what we can do.

Doctor Whosday: The Greatest Story Never Told

Being a Doctor Who fan has many frustrations. We have to deal with the neutering of the show by Mary Whitehouse and her ilk. We have to deal with certain stories being, how shall I put this... less than fantastic. In fact some of them are downright awful. We have to deal with continuity being an old rag to be beaten up, dirtied, abused, then torn to shreds, and the very word "canon" to be meaningless.

But perhaps most frustratingly, we have to deal with missing episodes.

There are a number of early Doctor Who episodes that were destroyed by the BBC during regular purges of old material. Of these, some of them have been recovered thanks to copies that were sold to foreign television stations, copies made by private enthusiasts, and other such discoveries. However, many First and Second Doctor stories remain missing, and as time goes on the chance of more being found diminishes.

The very first Doctor Who serial with currently missing parts is missing in its entirety. It was also perhaps the greatest First Doctor story ever produced. The serial is known by the name "Marco Polo".

Marvel Monday: Everybody Loves Namor

In May of 1962 Marvel launched their second title exclusively taking place within the Marvelverse, and brought back a Golden Age hero, forever tying the Marvel universe into the Golden Age continuity.

And one of these comics actually was pretty good! Let's look at that one first.

Hulk smash preconceptions of comic book protagonists!

Apocryphail Phriday: Battletech The Animated Series

It was the 1990s. I had just beaten one of the greatest video games ever, Mechwarrior 2, set in 3057 during the war between Clan Wolf and Clan Jade Falcon. And then I saw the advertisement for this game, Battletech, set in the same universe. It was a tabletop wargame, and I liked wargames. After requesting the game, I received it for my sixteenth birthday. I found it a great game, but I wondered, why couldn't I play with the 'Mechs from the video games? Then I found out there were expanded rules for that.

I got the expanded rules. And then I got sourcebooks. I began to read the novels tied in with the wargame, and immersed myself in the rich universe of Battletech. Solaris: Multi-Player BattleTech Online on AOL and Gamestorm was my very first online multiplayer game. And, in 1998, I attended my very first Science Fiction convention with the express purpose of participating in their Battletech tournament. I placed third.

It was there that I became aware of Battletech: The Animated Series, a thirteen-episode one-season epic cartoon released by Saban in 1994. I found myself a copy, and watched eagerly, looking forward to animated adventures set in the world of what was, at the time, my favorite game.

You can guess how that went. This column is not called Apocryphail Phriday because the stuff I review is good, after all.

Jeffrey Rewrites Voyager: Time And Again

Oh Gene dammit, another time travel episode? The second one in a row? You mean that there has only been one non-time-travel episode thus far in Voyager, and that was the pilot?

At least this one wasn't written by Brannon Braga. Last week I fixed Parallax by essentially removing all time travel elements from the story. There is no way to do that with this one. The whole plot revolves around time travel, the Prime Directive, and Janeway screwing up.

Luckily, the whole episode turns out to be a dream. Er, I mean an alternate timeline that never happened. So none of it matters! I say luckily, because you don't want it to matter.

Let's try to fix that. Let's try to turn this episode, declared the worst episode of Season 1 by Star Trek Magazine, into an episode that you want to happen... and then fix the ending so it actually does.

Doctor Whosday: Message In A Bottle

In television parlance, a "Bottle Show" is a show that requires no new sets, and can be made for somewhat cheaper than a normal show. Fresh from their ordeal with the Daleks (as reviewed last week), the Doctor and company deserve a bit of a break, and so they are sent into a two-episode Bottle Show normally referred to as "The Edge of Destruction."

Obviously not actual dialog. In the show, Ian is more of a Jem fan.

The plot of this two-parter is not the greatest. It's got plot holes, a lot of twists that aren't really ever explained, and a conclusion that seems unsatisfying and petty. But the plot is almost incidental. The real joy of this serial is seeing our regular cast cooped up inside a TARDIS plagued by mysterious malfunctions, forced to deal with their tensions and develop as a group. They enter as disparate, and often antagonistic characters. They unite as a team of heroes that will weather the next year together.

And all it took was them almost getting blown up.

Marvel Monday: Character Development Without Character

With the story of Henry Pym being just a one-off, March of 1962 saw only the Fantastic Four published in the Marvelverse. Issue #3 saw the introduction of a lot of Fantastic Four paraphernalia, and also saw the tensions between team members come to a head. If only they had done a single story that made me care about any of them. As always, you can get a non-critical synopsis of the issue over at the Marvel Wiki.

Sue made the uniforms, because woman's work and all that. After seeing them, Reed
suggests she could work for Dior. Lying to Sue keeps her from realizing she's a tool.

When last we left our intrepid heroes terrorists, they had been pardoned by the New York Police Department, who apparently can override the military in Marvel's mixed up topsy turvy universe. So, having escaped the consequences of their horrifically destructive actions, the Fantastic Four decide to spend their downtime taking in a stage magician's show.

Come Virtually Camp Writing With Me!

Since it's the weekend there are no new posts. But I did want to announce that I am insane.

Wait. Wait, no. I wanted to announce that in addition to doing this blog, I am going to try to write 50,000 words in a month as part of Camp NaNoWriMo. Which makes me insane.

I had a lot of fun doing NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) last November (and meeting my word goal as well, which was nice). So I figured I would do it again. If you would like to join me, you can sign up at the Camp NaNoWriMo Website. You can even request me, EvilWriter, as a virtual cabin-mate or a writing buddy!

Apocryphail Phriday: The Crystal Shard

Despite the title, there are no Gelflings. More's the pity.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful and pure and good-hearted person, but he was of a supernatural race that everyone feared. But all their prejudice was wrong, because he was really beautiful, and he had gorgeous eyes, and he was very strong, and a tireless protector of the innocent, and just the best at absolutely everything.

No, don't worry, I'm not reviewing Twilight.

No, this ridiculous Marty Stu is not an immortal vampire who nevertheless can wander around in the sun and is the very soul of purity despite being a creeper.

No, this one is a so-long-lived-he-may-as-well-be-immortal dark elf who nevertheless wanders around in the sun and is the very soul of purity despite being a psychopath.

We're delving deep into the Forgotten Realms today, examining the novel line that spun off from the popular Dungeons & Dragons Roleplaying Game. Specifically, we're looking at R. A. Salvatore's "The Crystal Shard", which is the first appearance of his most well known creation: Edward Cullen.

I mean Drizzt Do'Urden. That's who I meant.

Jeffrey Rewrites Voyager: Parallax

The first episode of Voyager got the Starfleet and Maquis crews to the Delta Quadrant, established that they are on a journey home, and established that the mixed crew will have to work together. So obviously, the second episode has to show that tension, and it also has to highlight the two characters who were glossed over in the first episode, B'Elanna and the Doctor.

Which Parallax does... in a way that makes the Maquis seem completely unimportant by burying the central conflict between the crews, to only be brought out again occasionally. In addition, Parallax gives us our first taste of a problem that only got worse and worse as the seasons wore on: Janeway, the evil megalomaniacal star tyrant.

Now keep in mind, in my rewritten universe Chakotay and the Maquis are still in their old uniforms, and Chakotay is not just Janeway's lapdog. You may want to refresh your memory by looking at last week's post.

Jeffrey's Tube 1.1!

I'm just making some minor changes here at the Jeffrey's Tube. I have decided to make comments separate from G+ accounts, as a courtesy to everyone reading who might not have or want a G+ account.

Also, I have moved "Jeffrey Rewrites Voyager" to Thursdays instead of Wednesdays. Which means at the moment there are no posts on Wednesdays. But don't worry! Your normally scheduled "Jeffrey Rewrites Voyager" will show up tomorrow, with Parallax.

In the meantime, guess what I'm reviewing for the next Apocryphail Phriday!

The horror... the horror...

Doctor Whosday: Nazis vs. Aryans

Looking back, the Daleks really are perfect sci-fi villains. They are unashamedly evil, completely duplicitous, obsessed with exterminating anything that isn't Dalek, and based on the Nazis. How could villains based on the Nazis fail?

Pictured: The greatest terror known to Britain.

Indeed, the second Doctor Who serial, generally known as "The Daleks", was the beginning of Doctor Who's massive popularity. It turns out the things which frighten children the most are Nazi R2-D2s.

And the Daleks were Nazis. From their stilted, clipped voices (so reminiscent of the accents of "German" television and movie villains), to their advanced technology and mechanization, to their ideological desire to exterminate any and all beings different from their "purity", the Nazi overtones are obvious.

Marvel Monday: I Was A Teenage Ant-Man

After a difficult, but definitely ground-breaking start, there were no new Marvelverse comics in 1961. But they made up for it in January of 1962 by publishing not one, but two Marvelverse comics... although one would only become part of the Marvelverse retroactively.

I am speaking of Tales to Astonish #27, which introduces fandom's favorite punching bag, Henry Pym. Wait, what's that? Referring to Pym in any way that mentions punching, striking, or hitting is in incredibly poor taste? Okay then.

If I seem to be harping on this for a bit, it is only because, as a non-Marvel reader, Henry's wife-beating was practically all I knew about him before reading this. Oh sure, I'd seen him in some episodes of Saban's Avengers, but he was so bland in that rather bland cartoon that I cannot recall anything about him.

So in many ways, this is my first introduction to the character. And it is an odd one.

Apocryphail Phriday: The Crystal Star

Worse than Hitler. Apparently. According to fan sites.

While doing a bit of research for today's Apocryphail, I discovered an odd thing. Apparently The Crystal Star is perhaps the most hated Star Wars novel of all time.

That annoyed me. I had wanted to save the worst Star Wars novels of all time for a few weeks. I remembered reading The Crystal Star as a kid, and I did not like it much, but it was nothing near the horror that was, say, the Black Fleet Crisis trilogy.

So what's the deal? Well, I read this book for the first time in well over a decade so that we could find out together.

Jeffrey Rewrites Voyager: Caretaker

How do you handle a two hour pilot? You have to showcase all your ensemble cast, have a gripping story that sets your series apart from its fellows, and seed a lot of stories for the future.

To be fair, Caretaker, the two-hour pilot of Star Trek: Voyager, does a decent job of this. Decent... but far from excellent. And the conclusion is just... ugh. And since this column is all about armchair quarterbacking anyway, let's go ahead and rewrite the pilot from a mediocre story, to a great Star Trek tale.

I am going to be jumping around a bit and discussing my rewrite thematically, rather than chronologically, so if you do not still carry the scars of Voyager permanently in your mind, you might want to brush up on the synopsis of Caretaker over at the Memory Alpha Wiki.

Doctor Whosday: Politics, Metaphor, and Unearthly Children

The beginning of the first political debate.

In 1963, one day after the assassination of President Kennedy, the BBC launched a new sci-fi show in its Saturday Afternoon slot that would forever change science fiction as we know it, and lead to hordes of screaming fangirls shouting things like "Allons-y!" and "Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey!" and pretending that fezzes are somehow cool.

Not that there are not screaming fanboys as well. Not that I would know anything about that (did you hear the latest rumors for Series 8 OHMIGAAAAAAWD!)

Marvel Monday: One Giant Leap for Comics, One Small Step for Art

A possibly slightly altered version of the original cover.

In November of 1961 a comic would be released that would change comics forever.

At least, that is what everyone has said since then. And to be fair, Fantastic Four #1 is a big step out of the golden age and into the modern age of comics. They fight with each other! They don't have secret identities! They fight with each other! They have complex relationships! Did I mention that they fight with each other?

Because these guys get along like Putin and the Ukraine. Hah! Topical humor! By the time I get to current Marvel Comics we can all look back and laugh at how dated that makes this blog.