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| Why did he ever lose the underarm-netting? |
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| Flash Thompson. Chest like a square. Cheekbones that can cut glass. |
Just like The Incredible Hulk, Linkara of Atop the 4th Wall has done an excellent review of this comic. He takes a more modern approach, and points out all the standard sixties comic inconsistencies, bad science, and general hilarity of this book.
For that matter, who doesn't know the Spider-Man origin story by now? Kid gets bitten by a radioactive spider, he develops spider powers, he designs webshooters, he wins a wrestling match, but becomes so selfish that he refuses to stop a criminal who runs right by him. Later, that same criminal kills his beloved Uncle Ben, thus teaching him With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility. Which has become perhaps the most overused cliche in comics history.
So what else is there to say? Hmmm. It's still a great story, though it is very dated. The school scenes, in particular, are very mired in the sixties.
I do find it funny that Peter's life is generally great. His aunt and uncle love him, his teachers love him, he's brilliant and going places, but everything is terrible because he can't get girls to date him in high school.
He even goes all supervillain over it. "Some day I'll show them! *Sob* Some day they'll be sorry!"
Oh no, he's starting to sound like the Thing!
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| I'm tired of all you people pushing me around! I mean, not my aunt and uncle, they're great. Not my teachers, they love me. Really, just the popular kids in school. I'm tired of the popular kids pushing me around! Fuck the police! |
And just like the Thing, a freak accident with magical science rays turns him into a superhuman! He's super-strong, able to climb walls with ease, it's great. Unlike the Tobey Maguire movie, but like the Andrew Garfield movie, he doesn't get orgasmic web-shooting wrists, but instead has to design his own shooters with the power of science!
I like that Peter can do science, and I like that becoming a superhero doesn't stop him from doing science.
Anyway, much like the Fantastic Four his newfound powers make him something of a jerk, which leads to his inevitable tragedy. The first issue of the comic actually does not end with him being a hero, but unlike the Fantastic Four, this comic seems to realize his self-absorbed nature is a bad thing. By the end of the comic he has gained a new appreciation for his responsibility to society, and he is well on his way toward becoming a hero.
Wait! I just got it! We need to track down the Fantastic Four's favorite uncle and murder him! Then they'll start being superheroes!
Of course, not all heroes have to have tragedy to motivate them. Some are just generally good people. Like Thor.
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| Don't get excited. This comic doesn't actually justify your slash fic. |
In fact, Thor is such a goody goody he's, and I hate to say this... dull. You can read a straight synopsis at the Marvel Wiki.
Unlike the movies, Thor is not sent from Asgard for poor behavior in this comic. Instead, it focuses on Doctor Don Blake, whom we are told is an "American vacationing in Europe!" What part of Europe? Who cares! Much like Voyager's perception of Native Americans, the Marvel view of Europe apparently is that it's all the same.
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| I knew Thing was evil! |
Dr. Blake walks with a cane, but that doesn't stop him from investigating an old fisherman's tale of strange rock-like aliens emerging from a spaceship on the shore nearby. We don't know why he does this. Does he regularly investigate the paranormal? Did his tour bus break down? Is he just incredibly bored and aimless? Who knows! Let's check out some aliens!
In addition to looking like Thing with a Moai head, and not being green like they are on the cover, the aliens loudly announce their intention to murder anyone who spots them. Which given that they are going around disintegrating trees and jumping off cliffs to prove their invulnerability, and generally doing everything they can to draw attention to themselves, sounds like they just want an excuse to justify some human murdering.
The aliens seem to have selective hearing, as they are completely incapable of hearing a man hobbling up to them with a cane, but they immediately hear as soon as he steps on a twig. To make matters worse, he trips, losing his cane!
Except... that doesn't really make matters worse. He seems to clamber along just fine without it. About the only thing he can't do is move a giant boulder, which to be fair, few people would be able to move. He talks a lot about how tough it is to get around without his cane, as he easily clambers over rocks and works his way through caverns. Can someone say psychosomatic?
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| Thor's hair is another one of his superpowers. |
Anyway, he finds another staff, only to discover that when he strikes the staff against the rock it transforms him into Thor! Mightiest and most heroic of the gods! For the staff is actually Thor's hammer Mjolnir in disguise!
Luckily there are instructions written on the hammer in English. For convenience, I guess, since no one really reads Norse anymore. "Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor!"
While we're being convenient, Doctor Blake seems to be an expert on Norse mythology, realizing immediately that if he throws the hammer away it will return, and it will cut through anything. Despite being a hammer, it rather clearly cuts through things rather than smashing them. So all right then.
He can also use it to create rain or snow, even up to tornado strength. He also discovers that if he is separated from the hammer for more than sixty seconds, he transforms back into Dr. Blake. I'm guessing that's how they're going to justify making him otherwise crazy superpowered.
Oh, and I almost forgot his silliest power! It was silly when he did it in the movie, and it's silly in the comic.
Anyway, the alien fleet invades, and their ships prove invincible to the world's arsenal of rockets... which I assume means nukes as well, since they nuke everything else in Marvel Comics. They are not immune to Mjolnir, though, and Thor makes short work of them. He smashes their previously-thought-invulnerable bodies with his hammer, bends the iron bars of the cage they trap him in, and then smashes their killer robot with his hammer. Basically he does a lot of hammer smashing.
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| There is no way to make this dignified. It's just not possible. |
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| He was the state. |
Then, with the alien threat vanquished, he transforms back into Doctor Blake. Since the NATO troops can't imagine skinny, cane-assisted Doctor Blake being any sort of secret weapon, they just let him go... without questioning him as a witness, or checking his identity, or anything. To be fair, these are NATO troops, so they might be French or something.
Okay, okay, sorry, that was a cheap joke. France has made many contributions to the world, and I personally think Louis XIV was a really impressive historical figure. And yes, I know without France the United States would never have won the Revolutionary War, and the stereotype of the cowardly French is an ill-deserved one.
So maybe they were NATO troops from (Insert NATO Country You Don't Like Here). Ha ha!
All in all, it's a pretty lackluster outing for Thor. It's not bad, like Fantastic Four bad, but compared to Spider-Man and the Hulk there's nothing special here. It's the sort of thing I would expect from DC comics of the era, just straightforward good-guy-beats-up-bad-guy story. But since this was just an origins tale, things might get better.
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| Aww, they're canceling it for some schmuck named "Thorr"? |
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