Marvel Monday: Everybody Loves Namor

In May of 1962 Marvel launched their second title exclusively taking place within the Marvelverse, and brought back a Golden Age hero, forever tying the Marvel universe into the Golden Age continuity.

And one of these comics actually was pretty good! Let's look at that one first.

Hulk smash preconceptions of comic book protagonists!

Let me caveat that this is still a comic from 1962. Which means, to a modern reader, there are plenty of quirks and foibles that seem strange. Unabashed hatred for Soviet Russia, for example, or a woman who falls for Bruce Banner primarily because she seems to sense he's the protagonist of this comic.

But for a sixties comic, it holds up very well. You can read the synopsis over at the Marvel Wiki. And, just to be fair, I already knew the plot of this comic because I had watched the excellent review of it by Linkara of Atop The Fourth Wall. He's a little harsher on it than I am, because frankly I love the over-the-top 60s anti-communism stuff. It's cheesetastic! But if you need a more in-depth review, go check out his site.

For my part, though, despite a few plot holes (which are standard for the silver age), I thought the plot was really good. Bruce Banner is the first actually heroic character I've seen in the Marvelverse. He willingly sacrifices himself to protect another human being. Unlike the live-action TV show and the movies, in the comics Bruce Banner is irradiated by gamma rays because he was on the test field during the test detonation of a gamma bomb, helping an orphaned teenager who had wandered onto the field survive the blast.

They don't call me Soviet Spydenov
for nothing!

Why wasn't the test called off? Because Bruce Banner left that in the hands of Badguy Communistsky, his assistant. Oh what's that? His name is actually Igor? Same difference. Obvious badguy is obvious, and he lets the test go forward so he can kill Banner and steal his gamma bomb secrets for the godless communists!

The existence of Obvious Villainsky splits this comic into two parts. In the first part, we get a well-told, pathos-ridden tale of good, smart, heroic Bruce Banner, who at night becomes the brutish, violent, villainous Hulk.

In the second part, we get communists, secret spy missiles and submarines and fingernail radios, and a delightfully unashamed bit of pro-American propaganda.

The supporting cast is a good one. Rick Jones, the orphaned teenager that Bruce Banner saves from the gamma bomb, owes a debt of honor to Bruce that he's determined to repay. He alone discovers that Bruce is the Hulk, and tries to protect him, even when the thuggish Hulk tries to kill him. He's also a good foil for Bruce, being a somewhat dull, scientifically-illiterate kid who can listen while Bruce explains sciency bits for the audience.

Other quotes: "You saved my life! You need me now!"
And when Betty suggests Bruce needs medical care,
"No he doesn't lady! He just needs a little peace and
quiet, that's all!" Just a little jealous there.

Although some aspects of his attachment to Bruce might be a little... creepy.

Betty Ross, the Hulk's eternal damsel in distress, doesn't have much character yet, but she clearly idolizes the heroic, yet brainy Bruce Banner. Her father, on the other hand, General "Thunderbolt" Ross, dislikes scientists in general and finds Bruce in particular a wimp.

"Thunderbolt" Ross is an old warhorse. He doesn't like any science he cannot understand, he doesn't see the need for the gamma bomb, and one gets the opinion that he would actually prefer the Hulk to Bruce Banner, if he just sat down and got to know him.

Unfortunately, the Hulk terrorizes Betty, ensuring that General Ross is the grey giant's eternal enemy.

Grey giant? Why yes. Hulk is grey in this one. He's also quite articulate, if significantly more neanderthalish than the brilliant Bruce Banner. I can only assume that the Hulk's green skin and "Hulk Smash" vocabulary comes along later. He also comes out at sunset, and retreats back into Bruce Banner at dawn, so presumably the "don't get me angry" bit also comes later.

This is a blog, not a video, so just imagine dramatic
chipmunk music here.

If this were a modern, 22 page comic the story would stop with Bruce Banner and Rick Scott desperately needing a way to control the Hulk, and Bruce dealing with having a brutish villain inside his brilliant exterior. But this is a 1960s 36 page comic, so we need some extra plot. Luckily Sabotage Yourbombivich is on hand to provide just that. He uses a hidden radio in his fingernail to contact Mother Russia, who send over the one man who might stop the Hulk: The love child of Peter Lorre and Mikhail Gorbachev!

All right, he's called the Gargoyle, and unlike the Hulk his deformity came with an increase of scientific knowledge, making him a super-genius. Apparently super-genius enough to build a mind control gun, which he fires at the Hulk and Rick, forcing them to accompany him back to Russia.

I'm not going to question that he has a mind control gun. It was the sixties. I'll just go with it.

The Gargoyle's plans are frustrated when the Hulk becomes Banner again when they reach Russia, and upon discovering that Banner is a human he laments how horrible it is being a twisted, ugly thing. Banner tells him that he could use radiation to make Gargoyle pretty again, but only at the cost of his scientific genius. The Gargoyle eagerly accepts, because screw talent or mental ability, good people just want to be pretty!

Pictured: The End of the Cold War

It gets even better, though. Becoming pretty also makes Gargoyle hate the Soviet Union, and love America. I don't think the lesson we're supposed to get is that only stupid people love America, I think the lesson is that pretty people are good people, and good people love America. Either way, he curses a painting of Khrushchev, helps Bruce and Rick escape via rocket back to the states, and then makes the military base self-destruct. Bruce speculates that this may be the beginning of the end for communism, but of course we know that wouldn't actually happen until Rocky beat Drago in a boxing match in the 80s.

Still, for all its crazy cold war madness, The Incredible Hulk #1 stands up pretty well. Unfortunately, it seems Lee and Kirby used up all their creative juices on the Hulk, leaving none left for...

I know, my additions to the cover are not true to the comic.
For one thing, it's unrealistic to show Sue thinking.

So I know pretty much nothing about the Golden Age characters that later became part of the Marvelverse, but the Marvel Wiki for this issue tells me Namor was a hero who fought the Nazis in World War II. So it makes perfect sense to me that he will end up combating the villainous terrorists known as the Fantastic Four in this issue! Finally, a real hero shows up to stop their shenanigans.

But first of all the episode opens up with the Fantastic Four still reeling from the departure of Johnny Storm last issue. And by "reeling", I mean "bickering over who is to blame." Reed and Sue gang up on poor Thing, who predictably intends to find Johnny just to do horrible violence to him.

Nothing like wanton property damage and attempted
murder to prove how heroic the Thing really is.

To find Johnny, the Fantastic Four do what they do best: Terrorize the local populace. For Invisible Girl, this rather innocuously consists of drinking sodas while invisible, convincing local youths that the soda fountain is haunted. Mister Fantastic steps it up a bit, snatching motorcyclists from their motorbikes while traveling at high speed, almost certainly resulting in many traffic accidents (which for some reason the comic does not show, even though that would be hilarious.)

Thing takes the cake, though, tracking Johnny down to the garage where he pursues his hobby of working on cars, and pulling a Kool-Aid man on the wall for absolutely no reason.

So is Marvel ever going to deal with the fact that the Thing is essentially a psychotic murderer? He's never shown any indication that his threats against other people were not sincere. He really does seem to be a supervillain. I can only hope they reign him in later.

Anyway, after escaping Thing, Johnny is reading an old Sub-Mariner comic, while talking about him like he was a real person. So this partially answers a question I had back in Issue #2. Apparently yes, there are comic books of Marvel heroes within the Marvelverse. So does that mean the Fantastic Four have their own comic book? And if so, is the comic book that we read the actual stories of the Fantastic Four, or just a fictionalized comic book adaptation of those stories? Maybe the comics are published in-universe by someone who really hates the Fantastic Four, and that's why they're such villains.

Wait. Did his stubble grow fuller between panels?

Anyway, predictably Johnny finds a homeless bum, and after shaving his face with fire... because Johnny is nothing if not irresponsible... he is amazed to discover that the amnesiac hobo looks just like Namor, the Sub-Mariner!

Playing a hunch, Johnny throws him into the ocean, figuring immersion in water will jump-start Namor's powers and memory. And if he's not really Namor, I guess one more drowned homeless bum is just par for the course for the Human Torch.

Unfortunately for Johnny's kill record, this does turn out to be Namor, who promptly discovers his underwater nation of Atlantis was destroyed by nuclear testing, and in a rage unleashes a giant sea monster upon New York City for revenge.

Awww, come on, Marvel, can't you give me at least one bona fide superhero? Just one?

I'm no hero! I'm a nuclear-capable terrorist!

Anyway, This prompts Human Torch to finally summon the rest of the Fantastic Four, and Thing walks a nuclear bomb into the beast's mouth and then detonates it while the creature is in the middle of New York City.

I told you! I told you this would happen if you ever let the Fantastic Four get hold of a nuke! The tragedy! The loss of life!

Oh sure, they never mention any of that stuff, and the city seems to get instantly rebuilt and repopulated, and they talk about Thing saving the city, but no, no, I'm certain the nuclear explosion wiped out New York City. Even inside a giant beast's belly, there is absolutely no way you can convince me that a freakin' nuke, detonated inside the city, didn't take out at least a bunch of city blocks and spread toxic radiation all the way to New Jersey. I mean, I know comic books bend physics, but you expect a freakin' nuclear bomb to only blow up the inside of the creature?

There's bending the laws of physics,
and there's using them to give the
middle finger to your entire audience.

LEAVING BEHIND AN INTACT CORPSE??

Look at that! The corpse is intact! And it's implied that the destruction pictured was only from the monster's rampage, and not from the nuclear explosion or the fallout or anything!

This comic has the unmitigated gall to explode a nuclear bomb inside of a sea monster's belly, and have it do absolutely nothing, with absolutely no long-term consequences, except to kill the monster.

This is the kind of thing that convinces wackos there won't be any harm in nuking the Middle East, you know.

Just... I just... I can't. I just can't. I just... can't.

Give me a second, folks. Let me just wind down here. I'm normally all right with comic books abusing science, but sometimes it just gets to me.

Maybe a relaxing visit to YouTube will help.

Oh Thor dammit, YouTube.

Is that a giant monster-summoning horn,
or are you just happy to see me?

Anyway, even with his monster dead Namor threatens to call more, until he is distracted by the only thing that can keep a mostly-naked man from wreaking terrible revenge upon the world: A blond in a tight-fitting jumpsuit.

He does the typical villainous "I won't destroy the world if you marry me!" And that goes about as well as you expect. Sue, without much reluctance, is about to give into his demands, when Human Torch dumps him back into the ocean.

Namor is still alive, but the horn he used to summon monsters is lost "forever" (or, presumably, until Marvel editors need it again).

So once again the Fantastic Four stop a villain, mostly only because he more or less challenged them directly. In the end, they only gain the strength to fight Namor because he was going to marry Sue, which gets in the way of both Reed and Ben wanting to marry her, and Johnny wanting to... presumably see her married to Reed? Sure. We'll presume that.

I still can't believe the military let these whackos get a nuke. I warned you about this!

I'll treat you like a living, breathing, thinking human being with her own
goals and ambitions! Seriously, why do you even hang around these jerks?